Answers

Answers are hard.  You hope to hear those words that you've been longing for but that's not always the case.  Sometimes the answer is your worst fears come true.  Until you know you have to brace yourself for whatever the outcome.  At this point on my journey I just wanted to know the answer.  This past week I finally got it.

I had to endure two more MRI's to get my answer.  I hate MRI's.  It's not just the fact that the sound always gives me an excruciating migraine but I am also incredibly claustrophobic.  I mean, who really likes MRI's?  But it's a necessary evil to rule out the possibilities.  Each time was scary but my sister held my hand every time I was there waiting.  She has been my rock through this journey and I don't think I could've made it without her.

I also have had to see numerous physicians and visit several hospitals.  I hate hospitals.  I know there is good in hospitals but they're so sterile and even though many lives begin there many lives end there as well.  Hospitals are a haunting place to me and bring back both good and bad memories.  But again, I did what I had to do to get my answer.

My spine specialist is a direct and to the point man.  The few times I've seen him he's been in and out of my room within a minute.  I get it.  I waited for almost an hour to see him this past week and he was in and out of my room within 30 seconds.  But in those 30 seconds he finally gave me my answer:

I do not have tumors

What I do have are numerous cysts up and down my spine and a slipped disk in my lower spine.

Since the cysts are not pressing on any nerves the doctor did not recommend surgery at this time.  If they ever start pressing on any nerves then surgery could be a possibility.  This was a major relief to me since the idea of surgery was incredibly scary.

He also told me to continue to go to my pain management doctor for further treatment to deal with the pain that the cysts and slipped disk are causing me and my neurologist to hopefully get my migraines under control.

My pain management doctor recommended I do steroid-like injections instead of other habit forming options, like pain pills.  He said most of his patients have 100% relief once the stiffness wears off and the injections can last at least a year, if not longer.  The procedure is minimally evasive though I will be sedated but I should be good to go within a few days.

So, today I celebrate.  My #lifewithtumors is no longer my hashtag.  I can now hastag #victory and #prayersanswered :)

Thank you to everyone who has been by me through this journey.  I know that it is still not over but now we know what is wrong with me and it's easily treatable.  I will most likely always have cysts, and will have to deal with them and keep a close eye on them, but I'm ok with that.

Now I can focus on pain management, losing weight, and finally getting my life back.  I'm tired of being sick.  I'm tired of missing out.  Today, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm getting my life back.  I'm so ready to be Christi again.

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A New Development, My Fear, & Summer Updates

You would think with school letting out that I would have more time to write and stamp but actually its been the opposite.  I continue to go to my neurologist monthly and my migraines are becoming less frequent but I still have a daily headache and the blackout dizzy spells are almost a daily occurrence.   Last month I was put on two more medications for the dizzy spells (making my current number of daily medications to 14) and was told that I still can't drive.  It's been seven months since I've driven and yes there are days that it makes me crazy!  I hate having to rely on others to take me where I need to go but this is just another part of me accepting my current situation.  I am still learning to live with my limitations and accept that there is nothing I can do.  It's a daily battle.

A New Development

I had started this post last week but saved it and never got a chance to finish it due to being in a tremendous amount of pain that left me bedridden for days.  Then something happened a few days ago that could change my entire situation and I had to tell you about it.

We don't watch the news in our house but Louie checks a news app on his phone all the time and came across THIS article.  When I read the article I burst into tears.  It's me!  I was down all week, in an insane amount of pain, my right arm completely numb, feeling absolutely defeated when I read this.  Louie told me to figure out if this doctor is accepting new patients, if they're on our insurance, and see if I can get in anytime soon.

Not only is this doctor accepting new patients, but he also is covered on my insurance, AND they are getting me in this coming Monday to get new MRI's and figure out what our next step is.  Y'all this is the Lord!!!  Even typing this I still can't believe it!  This doctor is a spine specialist and specializes in schwannomas and neurofibromas!  I truly believe that God is answering prayers right here!

My Fear

Going to this doctor also means that I could possibly have surgery which scares me more than anyone really knows.  I know that God has this but this is testing my faith like nothing I've ever been through before.  IF I do have the surgery and something goes wrong it could be permanent paralysis or even death.  I have a hard time coming out of anesthesia and the last time I went under I almost slipped into a coma.  I'm only 37.  I know if it's my time it's my time but I'm not ready for it to be my time!  There is so much that I still want to do in this life but I also know that when God's ready for me I'm going whether I want to go or not.

I know that I'm getting ahead of myself but the more I read the more I hear surgery and that fear is  bubbling at the surface.  To sum it all up:

I am excited that we might finally get some answers and 

I'm scared what those answers may be.  

The boys aren't sure how to feel about everything.  Dylan is a compartmentalizer just like his momma so he acts like everything is fine.  Any time anything is brought up about my tumors and the "what if's" Dylan usually retreats to his room and Eric sits with me and cries.  It breaks my heart but I have to be real with my boys.  I have always been 100% honest with them and this situation is no exception.

Summer So Far

Other than that are enjoying the summer so far.  Eric had to go to summer school for a few weeks but now he's all done and we are all enjoying the laid back life.  They are both gaming fools and have been great helping me out when I need it.  

I don't know if I mentioned it on here but Dylan fractured his wrist in two places the last week of school during Field Day and thank goodness he was only in a cast for four weeks and got it off last week.

I have been spending all the time I can with family, laughing, enjoying the moment, and taking tons of pictures.  I am soaking it all up.  

Time spent online has been as minimal as possible so if you don't see me commenting or posting on Facebook or Instagram that much you know why.  I'm either at home in pain or I'm out living my life to the fullest.

We went to see Incredibles 2 last weekend and it was awesome!!  I have also been reading some great books so far this summer and have quite a few reviews coming to the Only By Grace Reviews blog that I'm really excited about.

I'll keep everyone posted on me as much as I can and love each and every one of you that has been loving on me, supporting me, calling, texting, messaging, and praying for me.  You know who you are and I am BEYOND thankful for you.

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My Birthday & Mother's Day 2018

For those that do not know, I am a Mother's Day baby.  My birthday was last Thursday and I was lucky enough to get to spend it with several of my close family members and completely pig out on chips and salsa and my birthday sopaipillas (if you were there THANK YOU!!  It meant more to me than you'll ever know).

That was pretty much the extent of the birthday festivities.  I didn't even get to really see my husband.  I spent most of the evening crying (after my early birthday dinner) and trying to respond to people on Facebook.   Gotta love turning 37.  I've never felt so old. Haha!!

One thing I am thankful for is that my birthday was one of my good days.  The majority of April was a major struggle for me which is why you did not see me on here.  I just needed a break from everything.  I couldn't face the internet, especially social media.  The physical pain co-mingling with the mental anguish I was daily struggling with was all too much for me.  There were many things that contributed to my bout with depression and I am still not completely out of the 'darkness' but I am better than I was.  I hate struggling with depression so much.  I feel like I have lost so much of my life to depression and it makes me so angry but there are days I just do not know how to fight it.  All I can do is pray and try to put my focus where it needs to be and ride the wave.

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My "New Normal"

I think I am finally coming to terms with my "new normal."  When I make this statement my mind screams at me.  Settling for a new normal admits defeat in my mind, and to be honest with you I am not ready to let go of my old life, even though I know I can never have it back.  I know I will live with these tumors and this horrible pain for the rest of my life but I don't want to acknowledge it.  I wish I could do something to take them away but I can't.  All I can do is try to live my life to the best of my ability and pray for a miracle.  Of course this mindset depends on the day too as the rollercoaster of emotions continues.  Some days I am accepting of this lot in life and other days I question it all.  Some days I am compliant, putting one foot in front of the other, and other days I am throwing a tantrum, kicking and screaming like a toddler who's had their toy taken away.

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Viva la Birthday

I must say that both my boys have been such an inspiration to me this week.  I have started a challenge to help me lose weight and Eric has been an awesome motivator.  I am listening to my body and cannot do even an quarter of what the other women are but this round I am focusing more on what I'm eating and my mindset anyway.  Plus I figure any extra movement I'm doing is better than the nothing I've been doing and I'm getting time with my son, so it's a win-win.

Dylan has been my creative inspiration and I am happy to report that I actually have a card to show off!  He wanted to make a card for his cousin for his 12th birthday but then inspiration struck and Mom took over.

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Easter Joy

I love Easter.  Being a Christian, there is the obvious reason of my Lord and Savior dying on the cross for my sins (the eternal hope: something I will never be able to be thankful enough for) but there is also the Easter egg hunts and family time.

With the boys being older, and me sharing them with their dad, Easter isn't what it used to be.  I think Dylan picked up on my sadness because he begged me Friday afternoon to help him stamp his first card.  Since I had new Verve Stamps to play with, and I have been in dire need of mojo lately, I thought it would be perfect.  Mother/son bonding and stamping while talking about what Easter is truly about is exactly what I needed.

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A Birthday and a Reunion

This past Sunday was a pretty special day.  Eric turned 13.  I have a teenager.  No matter how many times I say it I still cannot believe it.  I don't feel old enough to have a teenager!

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Both of Us

August 1st will be two years since Dylan was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  Since Dylan's diagnosis we have adjusted and settled into our comfortable routines, and the fact that Dylan is diabetic is just another element that makes our family unique.  Checking blood sugar and giving insulin is a family habit, like brushing our teeth.  What's crazy is when I go out to eat anywhere without Dylan I am instantly reaching for my phone to check carbs on MyFitnessPal and I always seem to check my watch at 8:58pm no matter where I'm at and what I'm doing (9pm is when Dylan takes his long-acting insulin every night).  These are habits I don't think I'll ever break.

At our last three month check up Dylan's pediatric endocrinologist warned us that Dylan's blood sugar was going to be inconsistent since he is entering puberty.  So, I have been trying to more closely monitor his blood sugar and adjust accordingly.  I brace myself when he tells me his reading, wondering if we're going to be fighting to bring the number up or down.  Dylan's target blood sugar is between 80-150.  Lately he's been dipping down below 60 and some days can go as a high as 400 and it varies from meal to meal, up and down like a diabetic rollercoaster.

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Thinking of You with Sympathy

I woke up Monday morning all ready to tell you guys about my continued struggles with my #lifewithtumors and #lifewithteenagers.  I'm enjoying giving you a glimpse into my crazy, messy life.  It's therapeutic and for the first time in forever I look forward to Monday's!

If you live in the Texas you know how the weather can change on a dime.  It'll be sunshine, not a cloud in the sky, and out of the blue dark threatening clouds roll in, there's a tornado warning, and you're running to your safe place, body shivering in anticipation because you don't know what power this storm is going to bring with it.  Well, life has those kinds of storms that come out of the blue too that leave you shaken to your core.

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Valentine Depression

This past week has been rough.  With the news I received last Monday hitting me like it did it's been hard to fight the depression that was already creeping up inside me.  Since I've been sick I've tried to be strong but this blow was so hard that I feel like all of my strength is gone.  I don't want to fight anymore.

Louie is not a Valentine's guy.  He doesn't feel like you have to have a holiday to show someone that you love them, so normally on February 14th I do not get my hopes up.  This year he surprised me with two things that are so cliche but so thoughtful.

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Speechless

Today's been a rough day, but not for the reasons that you might expect.  I had another neurologist appointment this morning and I've been in tears off and on ever since.  I found out something that hit me so hard that I'm speechless which, if you know me, is very hard to do.

I was put on three more medications, one for sleep and two that are prescribed for epileptic patients but should hopefully help with my migraines and the stroke-like symptoms that I am experiencing.  The doctor didn't want to talk about my tumors until Louie finally brought it up.  He told us that he wasn't concerned with them because he is positive my symptoms all stem from my atypical, acute, and hemiplegic migraines.

Then he said the sentence that rendered me speechless...

"If you were experiencing issues with your tumors you would have pain here," and he put his hand on his lower abdomen on his right side.  Louie and me immediately locked eyes and Louie said, "Doctor, Christi has had a pain in that exact spot for seven years.  That pain is the reason why she had all those surgeries (my gallbladder removed in 2012, a full hysterectomy in 2013, and an appendectomy in 2015).  Every doctor and specialist we've been to never could figure out why she continues to be in pain.  She still deals with that pain every day."  The look of concern crossed my doctor's face.  "I'm sure that pain is due to her tumors," he said.  Speechless.

He explained that where my tumors are located is very rare and out of his expertise.  He said that once we get my migraines under control then he will refer me to a spinal specialist who can give me my options and all of us can agree on what our next step will be.

As Louie and the doctor continued to talk I blanked out.  My whole body had went numb and tears stung my eyes.  A rush of memories from the past seven years invaded my mind, everything I've been through, the dreams that I gave up and for what?  For nothing?  All the emergency room visits and hospital stays, the surgeries that I now find out were unnecessary.  It all overwhelmed me but what really got me was the thought of my hysterectomy.  I wanted more children more than anything and had sacrificed my dream in hopes that having the surgery would heal me.  Now I'm finding out why it didn't work and truly realizing what I gave up for nothing.  Louie and me could've had a baby.  Tears stream down my face as I type that.  It still hurts so bad.  It took me years to mourn the loss of not having another child, and I just recently felt like I had moved past it, then it hits me in the face yet again.  Will I ever escape the heartache?

I managed to make it to the car and then I lost it.  I cried for my lost dreams, for what could have been, and for what's to come.  I cried in frustration at what I have been through and wondered how much more I can take.  I'm not strong enough to handle all of this!!  I thought about what my family has went through and how I've been sick my entire marriage.  All the events I've missed in my boys lives because I've been too sick to get out of bed.  I'm missing what's left of their childhood!  It's not fair!!  The only solace I can take away from this appointment is that I finally know where my pain comes from.  I can say that I am not crazy and that this pain is not in my head.  It's all because of the tumors.

I did go to work today for a few hours for the first time since my hospitalization in November.  I was nervous that I would be overwhelmed but it felt so good to get back to some normalcy.  I still can't drive but luckily Louie dropped me off and my boss was sweet enough to drop me off at home this afternoon.  Everyone was so patient with me and I missed seeing everyone.  It wasn't until I was settled and at my desk, working on a report, trying to remember what to do that it hit me:  I'm never going to be the same again.  Today a switch was hit and my eyes have been opened.  It's going to take me awhile to process all of this and I am trying so hard to not do what I normally do: bottle it all up.

I talked to family and talking helped but I still sit here utterly heartbroken.  I didn't really want to write this post but I felt like I need to get it out of my head and onto paper, whether I feel like it or not.  I know that God has a plan and a reason for all of this but tonight my heart cries why.  I know it could be worse and I'm thankful for that.  I am a myriad of emotions.  I'm a mess.

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S-S-Stutter

I've decided I'm going to start writing a blog post every  Monday.  Not sure why I would pick Monday, because I normally hate Monday's (who doesn't!), but since I've been home with my illness it seems like the day I am the most thoughtful.  Maybe it's because the weekend has just passed and there's always a story to tell.  Or maybe it's the first time my house has been quiet in days! Haha!

Today one of my best friends turned 40 (shoutout to my girl Juanita!  Happy birthday sweetie!!!) and we celebrated her birthday on Saturday with a big party.  It was such an amazing time and I am so glad I was able to go.  I wasn't sure I was even going to be able to make it with what happened last week.

Last Tuesday night I had something happen that hasn't happened in my #lifewithtumors journey yet.  Louie, me, and the boys were playing around.  We will get into these fits of tickling and goofing off that tend to get rougher and tickling turns into pinching or worse.  Someone always ends up getting hurt during these little brawls and, being the only girl, it's usually me.  Before I continue let me just acknowledge that I know that I can't do things I used to do.  I'm trying to find a new normal and it's profoundly hard for me.  I want to be who I was three months ago.  Should I have been in this squabble?  No.  But I was feeling better than I had in days and I wanted to have a little fun with my family.  A little normal.  With the boys getting older I have to take these precious moments and squeeze them for all their worth.  Apparently, Louie felt the same way.

My husband hates to be pinched.  Let me repeat that just so you know just how bad he hates to be pinched: my husband HATES to be pinched.  I was pretending to pinch him and I guess I accidentally got him and he grabbed my wrist and squeezed to stop me from doing it again.  That's when it happened.  I guess he hit a nerve or something because my wrist started hurting excruciatingly bad.  The playing around ended and I started crying.  Louie thought I was just milking the bit but I knew instantly that something wasn't right.  Gradually this pain started going up my right arm, up through my neck, and then the bottom of my skull felt like it had exploded.  I sat on the couch and couldn't stop crying.  Louie was still upset but Eric came and sat next to me, he could tell that I wasn't playing around, and something serious had happened.  When he asked what was wrong I tried to tell him and I couldn't get it out.  I was stuttering so bad he could hardly understand me.

After some time had passed, and I'm now laying on the couch with tears streaming down my face, Louie finally recognized that something happened, and of course felt terrible.  My head and neck hurt so bad that I ended up "sleeping" on the couch that night, in the same position, and woke up still feeling the same, and still with the horrible stuttering.  I felt like I was under water, everything in slow motion.  I was saying things backwards and being even more forgetful that I had been previously.

I had company coming on Thursday and my house has not been the same since Mom has been down (think frat house and you'll get the gist of the condition of my house at the moment) so I spent the majority of Wednesday cleaning.  I'd been doing it in spurts so as to not completely wear myself out but I guess I pushed myself too hard because by Thursday I could barely talk and still had that underwater feeling.  My sister took off work to come see me and urged me to go to the emergency room since my neurologist would not call me back and we were pretty sure by this point that I could've had a stroke.  Louie rushed home and once again I was back in the hospital.

They had me in a room within fifteen minutes of our arrival and I had two doctors and five nurses in there all at once doing all kinds of tests, asking tons of questions, certain that I had had a stroke.  I could hardly speak, couldn't open my eyes, and had to have Louie be my voice.  It was scary. 

After two CT scans and an MRI, all without dye I might add, I was sent home with an "abnormal migraine" and again the "stroke-like symptoms" but I did not have a stroke.  Apparently migraines can do funny things but I've never, in the years I've had migraines, had this happen to me.  They didn't give me anything to help with the pain and didn't say anything about what I could do to help my speech.  To say we felt defeated would be an understatement.  I cried almost the whole way home.  I am so tired of all these doctors saying that it's my migraines when I know deep down it isn't.  I know there is something they're not finding.  And I'm sorry but I'm too young for this to be happening to me!

This is why I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to celebrate with my best friend on Saturday but I had told her I wouldn't miss her party for the world and I kept my promise.  I would post the picture I took of her but she would kill me, so I'll post the one I took with my handsome nephew instead.

Being surrounded by family and friends was just what this weary soul needed.  Even though I know I am not alone in this battle, there are those days where I do feel the loneliness wash over me.  I feel trapped, having to be home, and not being able to drive anywhere.  Louie has been working crazy long hours so most of the time it's just me, here alone with my thoughts, not able to do what I want to do and be where I want to be.  It's heartbreaking but at the same time I know that God has me here for a reason.  It's in these times that he whispers to me and tells me it's going to be ok, He's got this, and I know that He does.  It's just hard.

This morning I am talking better (praise the Lord!) but I am not feeling good at all.  My head is swimming, I'm dizzy and quite nauseated, and I am most likely going to sleep the day away.  I guess I stayed up too late last night celebrating the fact that the Patriots got defeated in the Super Bowl!!

I'm not an Eagles fan by any means, as I am a die-hard Dallas Cowboys fan, but anyone that can beat the New England Patriots is aces in my book!  The Patriots are my most hated team.  I missed the first half, and the halftime show, but I watched JT tear up that halftime show on YouTube.  He's gotten a lot of flack for his performance but I thought he did great!  It wasn't just a light show!  He actually performed!  I am a little bias though since he is one of my loves.  I watched the whole performance (trying to) sing along to all the songs.  I love that he started out with one of his new songs and payed tribute to Prince, who was born in Minneapolis.

So, that's my Monday Musing for you!  And Juanita, I have something I want you to remember on your birthday:

"You don't get older, you get better" 

-Shirley Bassey

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Random Ramblings

Eric (my oldest) will be thirteen at the end of March, but if you were to put your ear up to our front door recently you would think that some selfish, uncaring yelling beast were inside.  What hurts is that this transformation practically happened overnight.  I went into the hospital in November with two sweet little boys and now that I am up and around more, and more aware of my surroundings, I see things so much clearer, and one thing I see is that I have lost one of my sweet, innocent little boys.

I hate it.  I hate it SO much!!!

Everyone keeps asking me how I'm doing.  How do I answer?  I'm not good at all.  Right now, my biggest issue with this illness is all the life that I feel like I am missing.  I lose days due to being in bed, curled up into a ball, crying and praying that the pain will stop.  Then there are days like today where I can tolerate the pain better but I still can't fully function.  It's frustrating when your mind is screaming at you to do something but your body won't cooperate.  I try to focus on the positive, but there are times that I can't focus on anything and instead just wallow in my sorrows.

I had a total meltdown yesterday afternoon.  I cried in the shower for almost 30 minutes, just sitting there letting the water wash over me, praying for God's grace to rescue me from this darkness that envelops me.  I don't know how how I'm ever going to make it through!

The men in my house don't understand what I'm going through emotionally.  They don't understand the tears or the sudden tantrums.  They want to fix it but there's nothing to fix.  It is what it is and there's nothing any of us can do about it.  We all just have to ride the waves and enjoy the good days and press on through the bad ones.  With a combination of Eric and me, and what we're both going through right now, I am seeing more bad days than good.  Having a teenager in the house is bad enough but then you add a sick and emotionally distraught mom, a diabetic preteen, and a husband who can't fix any of it and you've got a recipe for disaster.

On the days that I can handle it, I get lost in a book.  Thank you Jesus for good books!

Books have been my escape my entire life and today is no different than when I was a little girl.  A good book soothes my soul and, after the book I have just finished, reminds me that life could be a lot worse!

Keeping up with my book reviews has been what has kept me sane lately though I am learning to adjust how I read.  I don't comprehend things the way I used to and so on my bad days, if I feel up to reading, I have to take notes.  Otherwise, I truly can't remember what I read.  It's so frustrating and I can't read as quickly as I used to, but I am still thankful that I have the eyes to see the words on the page.  Not everyone has that choice.  My doctor says it's important to keep my brain active and so I fight the frustration and continue to read and write.

I also can't lose weight.  No matter what I do I can't lose and am actually gaining.  I've hit 225lbs.  It's the highest I've ever been in my life.  I am so ashamed.  I don't want anyone to see me like this!  At my next appointment I think I'm going to have them test my thyroid.  I've been watching my portions and what I'm eating, been up and mobile more than I have in months, and I'm steadily gaining.  It's hard not to beat myself up.  I feel ugly and gross.  I feel trapped in a body that I can't stand.  It's yet another thing I feel like I have absolutely no control over.

Right now, every aspect of my life is hard.  I don't write this to get sympathy but to let everyone know where I'm at right now.  I told myself I would be real and honest in this journey and I intend to stick by my words.  The photo above was taken a few weeks ago when we were on our way to see some friends.  I was actually trying to smile and no matter how many pictures I took I kept getting the same face.  I try to hide how I'm feeling the majority of the time but the eyes don't lie.  I wear my emotions on my face and I hate that.  I'd rather hide.

As far as videos, I have made a few but I am embarrassed to post them.  Watching myself makes me cringe!  Louie told me to get over it and post them but right now I just can't.  Maybe one day I will but right now I'm too raw.  It's too hard.

My next neurologist appointment is February 12th and I actually get to see the neurologist himself for the first time since my hospital stay.  He's had his own family issues and has been out of the office so I've been seeing the nurse practitioner up until now.  Hopefully we can get a game plan and I'll have more to report then.

Sorry for all the random rambling today!  I'd originally wanted to vent about me having a bratty teenager and then everything else just came out.  It feels good to write and get everything out there.

I only have one thing to ask today: please pray for my sanity.

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Truth

Every year since 2016 I have had a word.  A word that I hold onto throughout the year.  A word that I prayerfully consider before choosing.  A word that I can meditate on throughout the year.  2016 my word was STRONG and strong was what I had to be to deal with everything I had to deal with that year.  For 2017, my word was FOCUS.  This word echoed in my mind every time my mind would wander to to all of the possibilities of my future these past few months.  It whispered to me many times, reminding me to live in the moment, when all I wanted to do was bury my head under the covers and get lost in my own self-pity.  

Normally when the clock strikes midnight, and another year has begun, I have my word already chosen.  When I woke up this morning I still did not know what my word was.  That is, until I came across this beautiful quote by Whitney Daugherty. (Photo Credit: String of Pearls)

For 2018 I am going to focus on TRUTH.  

Despite being a pretty positive person, I give into fear far too often.  I let my overactive imagination get the best of me, and put my focus on what's in my head, and not necessarily what is true.  Being pretty much immobile, my imagination has been running wild, and leading to anxiety attacks.  With everything that is going on with me, the last thing I need right now is to add another dimension to my illness, especially if this dimension is one that I have complete control over.  So, 

I am going to choose to focus on truth

The truth of knowing that God's got my back and Jesus is always by my side.  The truth of God's Word.

Photo Credit: Girl Got Faith

The truth that I am not alone in my battles.  I have so many family and friends that love me and are praying for me.  I must remember this when I am sitting here in pain and feeling alone.  It's so easy to feel forgotten, even when I know that's not true.  I have to hold onto TRUTH and not let my mind and emotions get the best of me.

Before I sign off, I wanted to say thank you SO much to everyone that has reached out to me since reading my last post of 2017.  It has encouraged me more than anyone knows.  I want you all to know how grateful I am for your prayers and support.  Please keep them coming!

Do do you have a word or a goal for 2018?  If so, comment below!  I'd love to know what's motivating you this new year and support you on your journey like you are supporting me. :) 

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