Both of Us

August 1st will be two years since Dylan was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  Since Dylan's diagnosis we have adjusted and settled into our comfortable routines, and the fact that Dylan is diabetic is just another element that makes our family unique.  Checking blood sugar and giving insulin is a family habit, like brushing our teeth.  What's crazy is when I go out to eat anywhere without Dylan I am instantly reaching for my phone to check carbs on MyFitnessPal and I always seem to check my watch at 8:58pm no matter where I'm at and what I'm doing (9pm is when Dylan takes his long-acting insulin every night).  These are habits I don't think I'll ever break.

At our last three month check up Dylan's pediatric endocrinologist warned us that Dylan's blood sugar was going to be inconsistent since he is entering puberty.  So, I have been trying to more closely monitor his blood sugar and adjust accordingly.  I brace myself when he tells me his reading, wondering if we're going to be fighting to bring the number up or down.  Dylan's target blood sugar is between 80-150.  Lately he's been dipping down below 60 and some days can go as a high as 400 and it varies from meal to meal, up and down like a diabetic rollercoaster.

Yesterday morning he woke up incredibly pale and told me he wasn't feeling good.  He said his stomach hurt and that his mouth felt really dry, which are bad signs.  When we checked his blood sugar it was over 500!  Inside I am totally freaking out (it's never been this high before) but on the outside I calmly told him to get back into his pajamas, drink a glass of water, take a correction dose of insulin, and to settle in because him and mama were going to have a sick day today.  When he's hyperglycemic, and you can't bring him down, he could go into a diabetic coma, which is one of my biggest fears.  

Dealing with Dylan's diabetes as well as my nearly constant migraines (we're going on three weeks with little/no relief), tremors, and numbness due to my tumors is daunting.  I've started doing this thing that can only be described as a buzzing in my head.  I feel like there are bees or something buzzing in my head and when I start feeling this way I can't think straight.  Luckily it starts slowly so I can brace myself and warn those around me because once it starts it's anyone's guess what'll come next.  I say things backwards and start having dementia-like symptoms.  I can start stuttering, throw up or pass out, and I can do nothing but ride the wave and pray that it wears off quickly and won't be that bad.  What's really scary for me is that I'm forgetting blocks of time and not remembering where I am or what I did, or am doing, and I am having to deal with all of this while trying to care for my sick child.  

I do have to say that I am blessed with an incredible kid.  Dylan is so smart and is great about being on top of his diabetes, for the most part, which is the ultimate blessing, and he understands that Mom has a lot going on herself.  Yesterday we helped each other make it through and it looks like today is going to be another one of those days.  We were able to get his blood sugar down yesterday afternoon to 135 but last night before dinner he was back up to 300.  This morning he was 425.  He is already on such a high dose of insulin that I don't want to increase it and have started to document the foods he's eating and how those are affecting him.  We try to do high protein/low carb as much as possible but my boy is a tween, loves candy and soda, and is a food sneaker.  We normally do not keep candy in the house but Dylan received a reward in school on Monday and he got a little gift bag with candy in it.  

He finally admitted that he's been sneaking a piece here and there when I'm in the bathroom.  He gets tired of having to take insulin for every bite that goes into his mouth.  I get it, it's hard, especially with an older brother that can eat whatever he wants, but I continue to stress the importance of taking insulin for everything.  I want my baby around for a LONG time.

So, here we sit, both of us sipping water, watching Phineas & Ferb, and me admiring just how strong my little man is.  I'm praying that I have no more episodes today.  I am SO over feeling like this but I know deep down this is only the beginning.  My stuttering has been better these past few days, which is good, so Dylan and me talk a little about school, and life, and he admits to me that he "sometimes hates that he has diabetes."  "I know baby," I reply, as I pull him closer to me, "Mommy hates it too.  It's just another thing that makes you special.  Just take it one day at a time."

Now to remind myself to take my own advice. ;)