My First VBS

I have been a member of several churches since being saved at sixteen but being apart of Crossroads is so different than any of my other church experiences.  Their children's ministry is amazing and of course VBS is huge so when they started taking volunteers I knew it was something I wanted to do.

Work had a problem with me taking the week off but I took that as more fuel for the flame.  When you have opposition you know you're doing something right in my opinion.  My boss even went as far as not letting me use vacation time due to a technicality but it still didn't deter me.  I was going to do this with or without pay!



Monday was hard I'm not going to lie.  Our church is huge and with over 2,000 volunteers and kids I knew it was going to be a little crazy.

When I first signed up for VBS they put me in crafts which I was fine with but since I teach 2nd grade Sunday school and they were short on 4th grade leaders I volunteered and ended up with 14 boys and girls none of whom I've ever met.  I found out really quick the ones I was going to have a problem with and the ones that were going to be awesome.  They gave me a high school assistant who was more interested in another assistant that was volunteering than helping me out so that first day was crazy and hard.  There was also an issue with another leader that had me in tears the whole rest of the day.  I left doubting if I made the right decision and felt so inadequate.



By Wednesday my spirits were lifted and we were getting our groove.  My assistant was engaging the kids and having him truly be apart of our group made all the difference.  I was finally getting to know my kids and by this time I was falling in love.  Monday I was dreading Tuesday and thinking "what did I get myself into!" but by Wednesday I couldn't believe it was almost over!   Time was going by too fast!



Thursday is a blur and Friday zoomed by.  As I said goodbye to each of my kids I started to get emotional.  I was so happy that two of my boys accepted Jesus to be their Lord and Savior!!  I will forever cherish that.



We were team D so before VBS started my husband and me made a little team name.



Yes we were the Dream Team and even though there were some moments that were not so dreamy I wouldn't trade my experience for anything in the world.  I loved teaching 4th grade so much that one of the children's leaders is thinking about having me teach 4th grade girls on Sundays instead of 2nd grade.  I'm just praying about it and putting it in God's hands.  I do have to say I enjoyed that age group so much.  It's like they're just starting to get their personalities and to see their excitement for Jesus was contagious.

I had each of my kids sign the back of my D and I am going to hang it in my gym as a reminder of this incredible week.

Monday its back to work and normalcy but this girl is forever changed.


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Stuck in the Middle with You

Today my baby is nine.  Not just my baby but my BABY baby.  He's the last child I will ever have and he is entering his last year in single digits and to say that this momma is a hot mess today is an understatement. 


Sure I put on a brave face and say "I love you" and sing "Happy Birthday" in every goofy way possible but this Momma heart is happy and sad all at the same time.

I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday.  It went about as perfect as could be (with the exception of the anesthesiologist running late and my epidural kicking in right after the final push...). Up to that point I had resented my pregnancy.  I was having "just another boy" and not the beautiful baby girl I had dreamed of.  Until the nurse put DJ in my arms for the first time and my heart melted. This little baby boy was my heart.  He was absolutely perfect.


Nine years later and I have to admit that he's an amazing boy.  He is so incredibly smart despite being autistic and overcomes every obstacle that comes his way with positivity and grace.  He has the biggest heart, the sweetest little laugh, and can instantly make me feel better without a single word.

When I have been my sickest he's been right by my side giving me strength and hope.  I am so thankful to be his Mama and thank God every day that he is mine here on this earth.

I love you DJ so much!  You have given me more than I could ever possibly give you and I hope that your birthday is as amazing as you are.  You're my Pickle now and forever and I love being Stuck in the Middle with You. ;) 

Love, 
Mommy
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Exhausted, Stressed, Yet Blessed

I usually title my blog posts before I write them but today's I can't exactly put a title on what I'm feeling.  Why?

1) I feel exhausted

I slept until 11am which for me is crazy because usually sleeping in for me is 9ish.  I couldn't help it.  This week has been one of the worst weeks I've had in a long time (more about that later) and even though I've been sleeping I haven't been resting if that makes any sense and I think my body was done.  Even though I'm up I still feel like I could lay back down...and I just might. ;)

2)  I feel stressed

I work a hard job.  I am a lead pharmacy technician for a local independent pharmacy but we are not your normal mom and pop place.  We are a speciality pharmacy and the way its ran its more like a mail order!  Thursday we actually did over 700 prescriptions which is mind boggling but that's not really the stress.  My job has no structure.  It has bothered me for the past few years (I've been at this job almost 4 1/2 years) when we decided to go from full service to speciality.  I haven't been happy there in a long time but I've prayed about it and God hasn't opened up any other opportunities to me.

I have had other places that have wanted to hire me but when you have 15+ experience as a technician no one wants to pay you what you're worth.  They want to hire these kids fresh out of school that they can pay a little over minimum wage.  Whatever.  What's funny is I don't even want to be a technician.  I never have!  It was a chance meeting that got me into the business and I guess you could say I've been stuck ever since which leads me to number three...

3)  I feel like there is more to life than this

My podcast of choice this week has been Chip Ingram and Living on the Edge.  He's been talking about spiritual gifts (Chip wrote a great blog about Why Developing Our Spiritual Gifts Is So Important that you should definitely check out) and I've been deep into my Kingdom Woman book so my thoughts have been about God's Kingdom and not my own.  I know there is more to life than this and that life is too short for all the stress and exhaustion but I feel like I'm going in circles.

I've never felt like I'm living my purpose.  I've had an inner battle my entire life about what my purpose is and how I have never felt like I am living what I am meant to be doing.  I have passions and gifts and I know I am not living my passion or utilizing my gifts.  My problem is that I don't really know who I am and why God created me yet.  I think once I get that down then everything else will fall into place.

4)  I have family conflict that is weighing heavy on me

 I won't go into much detail with this one but I will say that when you have a conflict with people in your family it tends to bring you down.  I am thankful that things in my immediate family are fine.  It's a conflict with members of my extended family that are definitely weighting down on me.



I know that life will never be perfect and I am thankful that God is revealing a lot of Himself to me during this season of time and for that I am truly blessed.  I am learning to rely on Him for everything and put my complete trust in His plan, not my own.  I know that even though I have stress and conflict that God will use all of this for His good and so I patiently wait until the day when I can look back and see His incredible tapestry.
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Becoming A Kingdom Woman

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I'm a bookworm.  At any given time I can be reading anywhere from 2-6 books at once.  It's an addiction that has been apart of me my entire life.  Yesterday after church we stopped by our church's bookstore and I was immediately drawn to this book.


I kept picking it up and putting it back down.  I hardly have time to read like I used to why would I want to start something new?  I pick it up again and look at Husband with those 'I have to have it' eyes.  He nods his head and before I know it I'm in the car devouring the first section.

I have been feeling this hunger lately to be a more Godly woman.  I feel like for the past 30+ years that I have had a wrong view of what a Godly woman looks like and I truly believe God put this book in my hands for a reason.

Today I worked a 9 hour shift at work, stopped by the store to exchange an item, came home and started dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, served my family dinner, ate at the table with my family with no television on, cleaned up dinner, put up laundry and started another load, then sat and studied for my CPhT license as I enjoyed being surrounded by my family.  Not bad for a Monday!

I would love to say that every day is like this but sadly its not.  There is still a lot that I wanted to do but didn't get a chance to but I'm not going to beat myself up over it.  I am thankful that God gave me the strength to accomplish what I did today and I hope and pray that I can do it all over again tomorrow and with the right attitude and spirit.

Has anyone else read Kingdom Woman?  I would love to meet some like-minded women who share my hunger to truly live for the Lord and be the woman that God made them to be.

I'm off to read a few pages before bed. ;)  I cannot WAIT to have my eyes and heart opened to His truth.
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True Freedom


Happy 4th of July!!!


 Today is one of my favorite holidays!  Who doesn't love food, family, and fireworks!! 

This year I'm a little sad. This morning my niece and mother-in-love went back home. We begged them to stay until tomorrow so we could have some family time but my MIL had her mind set and nothing was going to change that. That's one of the many things I love and admire about her: she is a strong woman. 

So today I am celebrating with my little family at home. We are going to clean out the garage as a family and FREE ourselves from junk. 😉 Tonight Husband is going to grill and we are hoping to see some fireworks. I've heard some shows are cancelled but there is bound to be one around here somewhere. 

I am so thankful for the freedom I have not only in my country but in my God. This past year as I have grown closer to the Lord I see freedom so differently than I used to. I was thinking this morning about how much my perspective has changed so much and how I can look back and see Gods Hands at work in my life.  He is slowly freeing me from a life of bondage. He is freeing me from the burden of past sin and making me new. Most recently He is freeing me from an eating disorder and negative self image. That last one is still a major work in progress but I know in time I will be made new and my negativity about myself will be a distant memory. 

I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July!!  I'm off to clean a garage....😏
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