Valentine Depression

This past week has been rough.  With the news I received last Monday hitting me like it did it's been hard to fight the depression that was already creeping up inside me.  Since I've been sick I've tried to be strong but this blow was so hard that I feel like all of my strength is gone.  I don't want to fight anymore.

Louie is not a Valentine's guy.  He doesn't feel like you have to have a holiday to show someone that you love them, so normally on February 14th I do not get my hopes up.  This year he surprised me with two things that are so cliche but so thoughtful.

 I can't tell you the last time I was given a box of chocolates!  It was so sweet of my husband AND so delicious!  What girl doesn't love chocolates??

Louie gave me the chocolates a few days before Valentine's Day so on Valentine's Day I expected nothing.  He had came home late from work and I had just gotten out of the shower after having another emotional workout session.  I walk into our bedroom and sitting on my dresser is this sweet little surprise.

Fun fact: orchids are my favorite flower BUT I've never had a real one before.  Why?  I kill plants. 

I love them but I kill them.  My fingers are crossed that I can keep this gorgeous plant alive for as long as possible.  It makes me happy to look at it.

This year is the first year I didn't get the boys anything for Valentine's Day but they were both ok with that.  I am so thankful that they've been so understanding about Mom not being able to be herself right now.  I also think they enjoyed helping me eat my chocolates, which I happily shared.  They will forever be my Valentine's, regardless if I purchase them anything.

Battling the depression that I'm feeling is a daily fight.  I have started to "emotionally work out" almost daily.  I have my treadmill and elliptical and I get on one of them when I start feeling overwhelmed by everything, if I feel up to it.  I will walk/stride, lip sync to whatever song is currently on my Spotify playlist, and cry.  It's a sad sight but luckily it's just me so who cares, and if Louie or one of the boys happen to come in they ask no questions.  They're smart like that. ;)   I usually stop when my vertigo or nausea hits or if I feel like I've hit my limit.  I'm not doing it for any other reason than to just get what I'm feeling out but I'm hoping this will help me lose some weight in the process.  I hate that all of this is bothering me like it is.  I keep telling myself, "Get over it already Christi!" but it still hurts.  

Louie took me out to dinner Saturday night since I haven't been out of the house since my doctor's appointment last Monday.  I was hurting the entire time but it felt so good to get out.  We sat at the bar while we waited for our table and as I'm watching the Olympics on the TV near us I just burst into tears.  I did the same thing because of a song that came on the radio on our way home.  Sometimes I hate how sensitive I am.  I actually get mad that I cry like I do.  I do have to say that I did feel better when we got home, at least emotionally.

I'm trying to get myself busy with other things, like my stamping.  I posted a non-traditional Valentine's Day card on my Stampin' Up! blog last week and plan on getting in my craft room later this afternoon.  

I've felt creatively blocked for months and I feel the only way I'm going to break this is just to get in there and do something.  I've also been trying to pray but it's hard.  There are no words for some reason but I've heard that "prayer without words is the best." - C.S. Lewis

I pray for a better week this week.  Eric has been acting better and I hope this slightly more positive attitude continues.  I think him and Dylan both understand that Mom can't handle much more.