Armor of God: Total Game Changer

I read books all the time.  There are very few books that I do not finish but for some reason every time I start a Bible study I never end up finishing it.  I have at least six Bible studies that are sitting in my office that I've started but for whatever reason I've never finished them.  This is SO embarrassing for me to admit but isn't confession one of the steps to recovery?

When my church started a summer women's Bible study of the Armor of God I knew this was my chance to complete one.  Maybe my problem has been not having accountability to help me finish?

I was so proud of myself!  We started in June and as the weeks went on I kept up with my homework and never missed a weekly meeting until Dylan ended up in the hospital the first of August.  Our final meeting was the Thursday that Dylan came home from the hospital.  I was heartbroken but my baby definitely came first and at least this time I had a good excuse for not finishing the study.  

Despite my circumstances of adjusting to life with a Type 1 diabetic child I was determined to finish this study so I emailed our women's ministry leader a few weeks later, explained why I wasn't able to attend the last meeting, and asked if there were some way I could get a copy of notes or a video from that final meeting.  She couldn't send me the actual video that the group watched but she did send me a condensed version of the video which sadly sat untouched in my inbox for weeks.

After having a serious talk with my husband last week about procrastination and how I want more than anything to change my procrastinating habits I vowed to finish the Armor of God study by the end of October.  I am proud to say that on October 22nd I finished!!  I actually teared up and prayed a prayer of pure thanksgiving when I read that last sentence not only because I completed the study but because of everything that I have learned along the way.

Because of this study I have made new friends at church, I have completed my first Bible study, and most importantly I am starting to truly see myself the way that God sees me.  This study (especially this last week) has opened my eyes to so many lies that I've been believing about God and myself as a child of God.  I have felt trapped and like I've been in a battle my entire life but for the first time I feel truly free.  I am free!  I cannot tell you how amazing this feeling is.  It is a total game changer. 

I wanted something to commemorate this amazing feat as well as serve as a reminder of my newfound knowledge and freedom so my family took me to Mardel's so I could pick out something.  I really wanted a picture to hang on the wall to remind me of each piece of armor that I have learned about and need to daily put on but we couldn't find anything that fit our decor.  I am happy to report that I did not leave the store empty handed.  

I had been thinking about a bracelet or some type of jewelry that I could wear as a reminder and this ring is exactly what I wanted!  It has a condensed version of Ephesians 6:13-17 on it and is a beautiful reminder for me to stand firm!  It was hard for me to get a good picture of it but you can find it on Mardel's website.  It's not expensive by any means and I'm sure will one day tarnish but for now it will serve as a reminder and will forever be one of my most cherished possessions.  

I also wanted to share with you one of my favorite graphics from From The Heart Art showing off each piece of the armor of God.  I've had it on my Pinterest for awhile and just love it.

If you have not done this study yet I would HIGHLY recommend it.  I am hoping (Lord willing) to be able to afford the leader kit one day and lead my own study in my home.  In my opinion, this is a study that ALL women should go through.  It's time Christian women learned how to fight and this is the study to help prepare you. 

SaveSave

0

Summer Soul Searching

There have been a few changes in my life.  The changes are so small that if asked even those close to me would probably deny them but they're happening.  My focus is changing.  My mind is being renewed.

I noticed something was different a few weeks ago when I decided to do the Armor of God Bible study with my women's group at church.

I have always been fascinated with the Ephesians 6:10-19 passage about the armor of God but have never really delved into the subject deeply.  From the first meeting I knew this study was going to be a game changer.

Over the next few weeks I have begun to notice things about myself that I have never noticed before. Some are too private to post on here but one that keeps coming back is my need for approval and validation from people.  God is opening my eyes to the fact that if I'm brutally honest that I care more about what other people think of me instead of what HE thinks of me.  

It hurts me to even admit that but that's what this study is all about.  Finding the lies that I have been believing and replacing them with God's truth.   I've also noticed that I am not as patient as I previously thought and that my perfectionism is getting in the way of my walk with the Lord.

All of these topics have been brought up in the study but there is one thing that keeps popping up in my dreams and its happened so often that there must be something to it.  

I've been dreaming about ex-boyfriends.  

Anyone who knew me pre-2011 knows I was a boy-crazed girl.  I was always looking at guys with lust even if I was in a committed relationship.  I appreciated the male species a little too much and that was where my focus was from the time I was five years old up until I met Louie.  I was all about guys and if I was in a committed relationship my entire being was about them.

I got so lost in each man that I dated that I eventually lost who Christi was so when I met Louie I was a hot mess.  One amazing thing happened when I met my soul-mate: my boy-craziness stopped almost instantly.  When I told Louie that I loved him for the first time that was it.  I only had eyes for him and it's still that way today.  Very rarely do I comment about how cute a guy is anymore which is such a contrast to who I used to be.  My focus has definitely changed.

My true-loves

When I think about my past relationships most of them do not bother me.  They ran their course and served their purpose during that time in my life.  Several of them were not left on good terms but I had the closure I needed and I moved on.  

There are two that when I think about them they subconsciously still bother me and I am beginning to realize that they may not bother me for the reasons I previously thought.  

Day 1 of the Armor of God study we were asked to write your most difficult person, problem, or circumstance.  I wrote a few down but the one that was at the top for me was weight loss and my addiction to food.  

My current obsession

Throughout the study we have referred back to how this might be a hindrance and steps to take to break the bondage.  Ever since I wrote those words in my book I've been having these dreams about the two relationships in my life that never had true closure.  What's crazy is I haven't thought about one of the guys in YEARS.  Why am I dreaming about a guy I haven't though of in so long?

After praying about it and talking to Louie about it I think that my weight loss struggle and those relationships are intertwined in a way I never thought about before.  When I was with these two individuals (which were YEARS apart) I was skinny but more than that I did not like who I was when I was with either one of them.  Both relationships I was borderline obsessive and even though at the time I said it was love it wasn't.  It was pure lust and infatuation.  

I truly believe that one of the reasons why I have been struggling with lasting weight loss is the fact that deep down I am scared that if I lose the weight that I will backslide into that person that I was during those times in my life and that scares me!  I don't ever EVER want to be that girl again.  She was so lost and looking for happiness in all the wrong places.  

I like who I am becoming now.  I am realizing my worth in Jesus Christ and am finding who Christi is in a whole new light.  I never want to go back to that person who lived in such darkness not just mentally but emotionally and even spiritually.  

In saying all this I am hoping to break free from this lie.  I hope to let go of these past hurts once and for all and FINALLY be on the road to lasting weight loss.  It's been over two years and I'm still stuck at 200lbs.  It has taken such a toll on my health and I am tired of sitting idly by.  It's time for me to put on my armor and fight! 

If you've stuck it out with me this far I thank you.  Like my title said I am definitely doing a lot of soul searching so don't be surprised if there are more rambling blog posts.  I'm just trying to find me. :)

0

Leave the Past in the Past

The whole month of January my church did a series called IF based on the book If by Mark Batterson.  My pastor is amazing with starting the year off with a powerful series and this one has been no exception.  

I bought the book last Sunday, right when the series ended, and haven't put it down all week.  I am normally a speed reader and could have devoured this book easily in a day but I am choosing to take each chapter and really ponder the words and listen to what God is trying to say to me.  So far it has not disappointed and has me viewing so many things in my life from a different perspective.

Yesterday I began chapter three which is talking about past regrets and labels that are put on you by yourself or others.  Your own "scarlet letter" so to speak.  To be quite honest, I feel like the majority of the alphabet is on my shoulders.  

I have an A for adultery.  I have a D for divorce.  I have an L for liar.  I could go on but you get the picture.  I am imperfect.  

I get that no one is perfect but my struggle with perfectionism goes back as far as I can remember and every mistake that I've made in my life has pinned me against myself.  I have felt like if I am not perfect that I should just give up completely.  All or nothing.  I have seen myself and my world through my imperfect eyes alone and have never really stopped to think about how God's perfect eyes see me.  

I still have those "scarlet letters" on my shoulders but the A no longer stands for "adulterer" but for ADORED.  My F stands for FORGIVEN and my L no longer stands for liar but LOVED.  

Satan wants me to be a slave to my past forever but through Christ I don't have to be!  I am redeemed and it is the most freeing statement my ears have ever heard.  Granted it is easier to say I am redeemed than it is to live that way am I right?

My thoughts go to the Israelites that wandered in the wilderness for 40 years after their exodus from Egypt.  I've always wondered: Why did they not go straight to the Promised Land?  Why did they roam the same wilderness for 40 years?  They had to work out those hundreds of years of slavery out of their system.  They had to get past their past and it took them 40 years to do it.

My hope and prayer is that it doesn't take me 40 years to let go of my past mistakes and "if only regrets".  I am tired of letting my bad choices and the bad choices of others define who I am.  I am tired of believing the lies and playing the victim.  I am ready to live the life Christ died for!  I will no longer be defined by what I've done but what Christ has done for me!  I am free!

0

STRONG

Well Hello 2016!!!  Two weeks late! LOL  Gotta love it...

I finally started feeling human this past weekend thank goodness!  I've been deathly sick since right after Christmas and let me tell you I am SO over it!  This week has been spent getting caught up on housework (three boys left to their own devices...let your imagination go with that one) and getting ready for our new Bible study group that started yesterday.

This crud is sticking around for awhile apparently as I am still not feeling super great so I am listening to my body and taking things moment by moment.  It's my head that is the worst.  I can deal with a cough and body aches but I've been battling some sick migraines and those pretty much render me powerless.  Not the best start to the year but like my MIL said maybe I'm getting all the sickness out of the way at the beginning of the year.  How's that for a positive spin?

Every year I choose a word to focus on for that year.  This year I chose STRONG and I chose this word for several reasons.

Stronger In My Faith

First and foremost I want to become stronger in my faith. My belief in my Lord, Jesus Christ is the most important thing in my life and its time to get stronger in that belief.  Even though I've been a believer since I was 16 I have not always lived my life that way.  When our family joined Crossroads in 2014 I rededicated myself to my faith and have grown since that time but I want more.  I want to be in the Word more.  I want to be able to witness more and give more of myself.  I want power behind my prayers.  I just want more.

I am tired of feeling ashamed of what I believe because of some Christians giving that title a bad rap or being labeled a "goodie goodie."  For me, it's not about that.  It's about living my life for a higher purpose.  I know people are going to judge me but let them judge.  If they're not going to judge me about my faith then those same people will find something else to judge me for so whatever.  I want to live my life where I can reach people without words and let my life be a testimony of what I believe.

Stronger In MySelf

With my faith getting stronger I want to become stronger in who I am as a person.  I have an extremely low self-esteem and have spent the majority of my life as a people pleaser and not being true to who I was born to be.  In doing that I have lost who I am and quite honestly feel lost as a person.  I care so much about what other people think of me that it shadows my true self.

My goal is to get out of this people-pleaser mentality and be true to myself.  I also want to discover more about who I am and what I like.  There are those things that I definitely know are Christi but there are some areas that are gray and I want to bring those gray areas to light.  I'm excited to discover more of my loves and passions and hope that the journey will help me realize the path I want to pursue as far as a career.  I have some thoughts but I'm not 100% sure and I want to KNOW my purpose.

Physically Stronger

Then there is the strength I want to physically find.  I am SO ready to get this fat off me for good and pursue one of my known passions: bodybuilding.  I've always been fascinated with people that can transform their bodies just by moving more, lifting more weights, and eating healthier.  It's one of the few things in life that YOU have control over and I am ready to take that control back!

I finished up my Flavilicious challenge and needed a new plan so I went on bodybuilding.com while I was down and found a new program called Dymatize Transformed and I thought perfect!  I've missed a few workouts since I started due to the busyness this week but I think it's a great way to start 2016!  

I really want to focus more on gaining muscle and increasing my PR's and not just on losing weight though I know that'll be an added bonus. ;)

My in-laws purchased a 24 Day Challenge for me from Advocare and I started that on Monday along with thousands of others around the world for their All-In challenge.  If I wouldn't have had these supplements this week I don't think I would've functioned as well as I have!  I think Advocare is going to definitely play a part in my gains this year.

I cannot WAIT to see where this year takes me and my family!

0

Christmas Season Catch Up

Busy! Busy! Busy!  Anyone else feel me??

Merry Christmas EVE!!!  I thought I would get everyone caught up with all the festivities that have happened so far this holiday season.

Christmas Women's Banquet

I honestly didn't think I was going to be able to go this year because of our current finances but one of my besties ended up having an extra ticket and invited me at the last minute.  I have never been before but you better believe this is going to be a new Christmas tradition with me. :)

Different women "host" a table and decorate it however they want.  They also have little goodies for each gal at the table.  This was ours #67 :)

Of course the picture doesn't do it justice. It was gorgeous!! I got a beautiful ornament, a cute little stocking, and got to meet three lovely women who have now became apart of my growing church family.

There's me and my bestie. I love this girl so much and am so thankful that I was her first choice.  The dinner was excellent and the speaker was amazing.  I teared up several times and left knowing that I am not alone in my struggles.  I have wonderful friends, family, and most importantly a God that loves me just as I am and I will make it through this season.

KATS Christmas Musical

KATS is our church's children's choir and every year they put on a Christmas program.  Being a 2nd grade teacher (and there being one little girl my youngest has the biggest crush on) I had to be there and I am so glad I was.

This year was extra special because the entire program was written by two of the KATS directors.  It was a Christmas spin-off of the Wizard of Oz and it was adorable!

DJ's Christmas Party

In our school district 4th grade is the last grade in elementary school.  DJ is in 4th grade, and my youngest, thus making this our last elementary school Christmas party.  *sniffle*

To say I was a little emotional is an understatement but I put on a happy face and enjoyed watching my little man and his classmates enjoy their day.  

It was so much fun for the kids and I surprised DJ by having is grandmother come with me.  You should've seen the look on his face.  The party was crazy but mainly because you have 21 kids that are full of candy and donuts on the last day of school before winter break.  ;)

Family Time

When school is in its so hard for the boys to spend time with family.  Anyone who has to share custody can feel me on this.  This past Sunday after church I dropped the boys off at their Nana's house and they got to spend a few days with her, their great-aunt, and their cousins.

I love that they got that much-needed family time and it gave me a chance to go get their last minute Christmas gifts. :)  

Now its time to get ready to start my Christmas festivities.  The next two days are always crazy.  I have several places to be and my in-laws are coming in tomorrow and the house is a disaster.  Mentally I'm trying not to stress especially since I am running out of time to get everything done.  

My goal the next two days is to be in the moment.  Christmas goes by way too fast as it is and I do not want to lose sight of what really matters: the birth of my Lord, Jesus Christ. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!!

0

The Magic of Christmas

Yesterday our church started a new series called The Magic of Christmas.  The whole church is decked out in twinkling lights and the excitement in the air is electric and almost tangible.  

Christmas is here.

Yesterdays message was What Is It About Christmas? which has been on my mind ever since.  I have Christmas music on in the car and this morning on my way to take the boys to school I heard Silent Night by Stevie Nicks.  It is by far my favorite version of Silent Night and right in the middle of the school parking lot tears start streaming down my face.  I apologies to my 10 year old son if I embarrassed you but when the vapors hit you what can you do? ;)

That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

It truly is magical how a baby who was born in a manger could save the world...could save me.  I think about my life and the direction I was heading before I gave my life to Jesus.  Those thoughts alone bring fresh tears to my eyes...

I am so thankful that He never gave up on me not even for a second.  I am thankful that God became man and came to this earth to live the life that He did, to die the death that He did, and to rise again all just to save me.  Wow.

This Christmas my little family has decided to do things differently.  This year we are putting Jesus at the top of our Christmas list.  After all it is His birthday, right?  This year we are going to give more than we are going to receive.  We are going to love more and be more in the moment than we ever have been and cherish every second we have with our family and friends.  And through it all we are going to remember the One that is truly the reason for the season.

1

Hallelujah Eve

I cannot believe Halloween is already here!  The holidays are officially beginning and here we are again.  It seems like every year we say we are going to be better prepared but every year life gets thrown for a loop and we end up in the exact same place we were before.  It’s insanity I tell ya!

One thing I’ve been thinking about is our vow this year to be more financially independent than we were at the beginning of the year.  We were to remember that its God’s money and not our money.  How have we fared?  Pretty bad.  Granted our debts are slowly decreasing and we haven’t accrued any new debt which I say is a plus but nothing has been paid off and we are literally hand to mouth right now.  But by the grace of God we’ve made it and we are continuing to make it day by day.

This time last year I was recovering from my 4th surgery and this year is the first October in two years that I didn’t have a surgery!  Woohoo!!  I definitely call that a win!  

This week is also the first week in months that I’ve worked out more than twice!  Last night I had planned a HIIT workout on the treadmill with some ab exercises but I didn’t do so great.  I’m not sure what happened but I tried a few of the ab moves and started feeling like I was going to throw up.  So I decided to skip those and just do 20 minutes of HIIT sprints on the treadmill.  I lasted 10 minutes and then I got super dizzy so I walked the rest of the time doing different intervals.  It was not a great workout at all and at first I was very discouraged but then it hit me.  I got up and DID something!  I could’ve gave up and said forget it and never given it a try but I did and I burned about 500 calories in the process.  

I have also decided to enter one final contest before the end of the year and I took my before pics.  Talk about a wakeup call!  I'm going to wait to post them on here until after the contest and hopefully by that time I'll have an awesome AFTER picture! ;)

October is always a strange month for me and this year was no exception but one thing I look forward to every year is our church’s Hallelujah Carnival.  

Normally I volunteer but I’ll have the boys this year so I’ll get to actually enjoy the carnival!  I’m very excited because this is the biggest event our church puts on every year with the exception of our Easter carnival.  Thousands of people come and there are always yummy vendors, an outdoor concert, bounce houses, and tons of games.  The kids love it and its a much safer alternative to going trick-or-treating.

Then Sunday our church celebrates its 45th birthday!  

The church bought thousands of cupcakes for everyone which I am SO looking forward to.  Who doesn't love a cupcake?!!  

I am so thankful to the men and women who started our church 45 years ago and cannot wait to take a stroll down memory lane on Sunday.

So that’s it for me!  Enjoy the rest of October and be on the lookout for more fit-related posts in November! :)

0

My First VBS

I have been a member of several churches since being saved at sixteen but being apart of Crossroads is so different than any of my other church experiences.  Their children's ministry is amazing and of course VBS is huge so when they started taking volunteers I knew it was something I wanted to do.

Work had a problem with me taking the week off but I took that as more fuel for the flame.  When you have opposition you know you're doing something right in my opinion.  My boss even went as far as not letting me use vacation time due to a technicality but it still didn't deter me.  I was going to do this with or without pay!

Monday was hard I'm not going to lie.  Our church is huge and with over 2,000 volunteers and kids I knew it was going to be a little crazy.

When I first signed up for VBS they put me in crafts which I was fine with but since I teach 2nd grade Sunday school and they were short on 4th grade leaders I volunteered and ended up with 14 boys and girls none of whom I've ever met.  I found out really quick the ones I was going to have a problem with and the ones that were going to be awesome.  They gave me a high school assistant who was more interested in another assistant that was volunteering than helping me out so that first day was crazy and hard.  There was also an issue with another leader that had me in tears the whole rest of the day.  I left doubting if I made the right decision and felt so inadequate.

By Wednesday my spirits were lifted and we were getting our groove.  My assistant was engaging the kids and having him truly be apart of our group made all the difference.  I was finally getting to know my kids and by this time I was falling in love.  Monday I was dreading Tuesday and thinking "what did I get myself into!" but by Wednesday I couldn't believe it was almost over!   Time was going by too fast!

Thursday is a blur and Friday zoomed by.  As I said goodbye to each of my kids I started to get emotional.  I was so happy that two of my boys accepted Jesus to be their Lord and Savior!!  I will forever cherish that.

We were team D so before VBS started my husband and me made a little team name.

Yes we were the Dream Team and even though there were some moments that were not so dreamy I wouldn't trade my experience for anything in the world.  I loved teaching 4th grade so much that one of the children's leaders is thinking about having me teach 4th grade girls on Sundays instead of 2nd grade.  I'm just praying about it and putting it in God's hands.  I do have to say I enjoyed that age group so much.  It's like they're just starting to get their personalities and to see their excitement for Jesus was contagious.

I had each of my kids sign the back of my D and I am going to hang it in my gym as a reminder of this incredible week.

Monday its back to work and normalcy but this girl is forever changed.

0