Do I Need Motivation or Just To Get Out Of My Own Head???

Seriously.  I've been sick with the crud for over a week and its getting old real quick.  I had a plan all ready to go too.  L told me that he would get me a trainer when I hit 140lbs.  I weighed this morning and I'm 186.  Blah!  I've NEVER seen that number on my scale before.  Ever.  

First I teared up.  I get super emotional when I'm sick and I'm already emotional going through menopause so you can imagine the mess I was.  Then I got pissed.  Even though I feel helpless to lose weight I'm not!  Why am I feeling sorry for myself?  That's not going to help get this weight off me.  DOING something is going to get this weight off.

Every time I've started something new I go full boar.  All in.  Holding nothing back.  I'm like that for a short period of time and then I fizzle.  I usually end up getting sick (like I did this time), lose my mojo, and then I'm back to feeling sorry for myself.  I told L earlier that I want this time to be different.  I want to get out of my head.

I never realized just how self-sabotaging I am!  AND I over-think EVERYTHING!  What's sad is I can't stop!  It's like crack with me or something.  I have a very negative self image.  Very negative.  Drives L nuts and truth be told it is one thing about myself that I hate but how do you change something that is so ingrained in you?

That's right!  I am going to hold onto God's truth and love for me and pray that I "fake it" until I become that confident person that truly does love who she is.  I am also going to JUST DO IT. and by IT I mean start my program all over again and KNOW that this time is going to be different.  Who gives a flying frisbee if I have to start all over again!  The point is that I am going to do it!