Exhausted, Stressed, Yet Blessed

I usually title my blog posts before I write them but today's I can't exactly put a title on what I'm feeling.  Why?

1) I feel exhausted

I slept until 11am which for me is crazy because usually sleeping in for me is 9ish.  I couldn't help it.  This week has been one of the worst weeks I've had in a long time (more about that later) and even though I've been sleeping I haven't been resting if that makes any sense and I think my body was done.  Even though I'm up I still feel like I could lay back down...and I just might. ;)

2)  I feel stressed

I work a hard job.  I am a lead pharmacy technician for a local independent pharmacy but we are not your normal mom and pop place.  We are a speciality pharmacy and the way its ran its more like a mail order!  Thursday we actually did over 700 prescriptions which is mind boggling but that's not really the stress.  My job has no structure.  It has bothered me for the past few years (I've been at this job almost 4 1/2 years) when we decided to go from full service to speciality.  I haven't been happy there in a long time but I've prayed about it and God hasn't opened up any other opportunities to me.

I have had other places that have wanted to hire me but when you have 15+ experience as a technician no one wants to pay you what you're worth.  They want to hire these kids fresh out of school that they can pay a little over minimum wage.  Whatever.  What's funny is I don't even want to be a technician.  I never have!  It was a chance meeting that got me into the business and I guess you could say I've been stuck ever since which leads me to number three...

3)  I feel like there is more to life than this

My podcast of choice this week has been Chip Ingram and Living on the Edge.  He's been talking about spiritual gifts (Chip wrote a great blog about Why Developing Our Spiritual Gifts Is So Important that you should definitely check out) and I've been deep into my Kingdom Woman book so my thoughts have been about God's Kingdom and not my own.  I know there is more to life than this and that life is too short for all the stress and exhaustion but I feel like I'm going in circles.

I've never felt like I'm living my purpose.  I've had an inner battle my entire life about what my purpose is and how I have never felt like I am living what I am meant to be doing.  I have passions and gifts and I know I am not living my passion or utilizing my gifts.  My problem is that I don't really know who I am and why God created me yet.  I think once I get that down then everything else will fall into place.

4)  I have family conflict that is weighing heavy on me

 I won't go into much detail with this one but I will say that when you have a conflict with people in your family it tends to bring you down.  I am thankful that things in my immediate family are fine.  It's a conflict with members of my extended family that are definitely weighting down on me.

I know that life will never be perfect and I am thankful that God is revealing a lot of Himself to me during this season of time and for that I am truly blessed.  I am learning to rely on Him for everything and put my complete trust in His plan, not my own.  I know that even though I have stress and conflict that God will use all of this for His good and so I patiently wait until the day when I can look back and see His incredible tapestry.