Where Did March Go?

This month has been pure insanity!  Here's a little update:

50 hours minimum of each week is devoted to work

Our business has exploded and to keep up with the pace my boss has asked me (Ms. Manager) to help pick up some of the slack.  I do like my job and we could definitely use the money so for the time being I am doing it.

What's been hard is balancing work with my home life.  I honestly feel like I am working two jobs which leaves little room for anything else.  Add kids and what little family time I get and you have one exhausted woman.  I never get any time to myself!

I am officially back to 175lbs 

I haven't been since post-baby.  I blame the crazy hours and hardly eating.  It's awful.  I'm using work and busyness to justify me not eating.  I nibble on a few things at work and when I get home I eat pretty much whatever I want which is rarely healthy.  Then I go to bed and do it all over again.  It's horrible and I know something has to give but right now I feel like I'm on one of those little hamster wheels and I can't seem to get off.

My husband buys me an elliptical

When I first lost my baby weight the elliptical is what sparked my change and I think he was hoping it would again.  So far no go even though it is in my living room starring at me every single day.  I've gotten on a few times but my thighs have gotten so big (where I hold the majority of my weight) that my knees and feet ache something fierce.  No bueno.

My oldest turns 9 years old  

We celebrated by going bowling and the pictures from his party are a huge wakeup call for me.

(L would kill me if he knew I was posting this. LOL)  Look at me!  I know I had a major surgery a few months ago and my hormones are still trying to balance and I should be easier on myself but I just can't.  I worked so hard to lose weight the first time and now here I am back where I started.  It's disheartening to say the least. 

April is MY month

April 20th is our one year anniversary and I was hoping to be back to my weight and instead I am 25+ pounds heavier than I was a year ago.  This gets me fired up!!  Something has to give and though I am not sure exactly what the plan is yet I know that things are about to change.  Just wait and see....

0

Where Are My Eyes?

It's been a LONG month that has went by surprisingly fast!  I've work so much overtime I feel like I've lost touch with reality.  My life has been work, eat, sleep, repeat.  It's sad really but I know it is only for a season.  My boss offered me Friday afternoons off which would really help get things done and give me some alone time!  I forgot what alone time even feels like!  Thus is the life of a wife, mom, and worker that is pretty much working two jobs right now.

Through this time of hardship I have been listening to a podcast every morning on my way to work called Revive Our Hearts.  I have listened to it off and on over the years but lately its been the only alone time I get and every morning after I drop off the boys I turn it on.  I look forward to it every day.

Wednesday was Ash Wednesday and began the Lent season.  I thought about giving something up for Lent like sugar (which I'm crazy addicted to right now) or something like that but God put something else on my heart as I listened to the ROH podcasts last week.

For Lent I am taking the focus off myself and focusing on Jesus

As a Christian I am called to serve others and be selfless.  Since I have been hastily trying to lose the 65lbs I need to lose and working all the crazy overtime at work I've been so focused on me.  Over the past week I've tried to listen to how much I say "I" "me" or "my/mine" and I realized just how far I've fallen and how negative I've become!

I told myself that I wouldn't be that kind of person and over time I've become the opposite of what I want to be.  I said almost a year ago that I was determined to change and that determination is still there but I think I started in the wrong place.

I've always thought that losing weight was finding the right foods to eat, the right workout to do, the right gym for you, how much sleep to get, and all those things are valid but why are there so many of us out there that are on the weight loss roller coaster and can't seem to make an exit?  I believe its because we are all starting in the wrong place.  Sure cutting cokes and drinking water instead is going to affect your body but if you don't find out why you choose a coke over water then how are you ever going to truly experience the freedom of weight loss?

My body image has always been distorted and in this season my prayer is that I can see myself as Jesus and my husband sees me. Beautiful.  They don't see my weight gain.  They don't think I'm ugly or useless.  They see my real worth and that is something I long to see in myself and I know deep down I won't find it when I lose a few pounds.  I'm going to find it when I stop focusing on me.

You don't realize how much what you focus on affects you.  It does matter what you read or watch on television.  Everything your eyes see gets internalized and becomes apart of you.  My eyes have been on trash but now I am going to re-focus and gaze upon Jesus.

Nancy on Revive Our Hearts is doing a series during Lent about the different names of Jesus.  It is SO cool!  Head over to her website and check it out.  What better way for me to focus on my Lord than to learn some of His names??

My prayer for this March is that my mind is renewed and I grow closer to the Lord.  I pray that we can find a better balance at work so I can get my life and my focus back!

0